We have no home, almost no furniture (besides the dresser and mirror in the photo), and no real place that we have to be. We can live almost anywhere because my husband's work is from home and his meetings are all over and my work is right here on the internet (why does that sound so risque?).
We decided on California because we have the most family here, we like being near LA where we can create products and businesses easily, and because the west coast has always felt like home to us, especially to a certain surfer I know.
Still, I yearn for Utah at times. I miss my old neighborhood and our walks to get San Pellegrino's from Caputo's around the corner and a new book for Lucy from the bookshop across the street. I miss being five minutes from everywhere I need to go, including downtown, and having friends on every street and my mother a couple of cities away. It is just easy to live in Utah and sometimes I wonder why we ever left.
Of course there is always the fear of failure. The fear that we won't be able to make it. That one day we'll realize that working for ourselves is a silly, unrealistic dream and we were just too naive to see it. Or that we'll say that it wasn't worth the sacrifices we had to make.
But I'm going to try to not pay so much heed to my fears any more. Fear has driven my choices too many times to unfulfilling ends. Instead, I'm going to turn up the volume on that little voice that tells me as long as our hearts are in line with God's and we are working hard that we can do anything. Then I'm going to blast the volume on the voice that tells me to be happy now.
I came across this quote from designer Diane von Furstenberg this morning from an interview she did with Gwyneth Paltrow and it has been ringing in my ears ever since. It makes me feel better about not knowing the specifics:
I didn’t always know what I wanted to do, but I knew the kind of woman I wanted to be.